Sunday, December 12, 2010

Dear God, I recently purchased a New Baby...

Dear God,

I have recently purchased your product, New Baby.  Overall, despite an unnecessarily complicated and protracted delivery process, I am impressed.  This is lucky given your strict No Refunds or Returns policy!

Still, I thought you might like some feedback on the less than satisfactory aspects of the design, for future development purposes.

Despite being advertised as a self-contained unit, I was shocked to find that New Baby seems to required additional products in order to perform the most basic functions safely and hygienically and these accessories aren't cheap.  Is this right?  I can't seem to find the instruction manual in order to check.

Battery life is poor and erratic, sometimes lasting for less than an hour before recharging is required through the Breast Recharger. I'm told that the Bottle Docking Station results in better battery life, but I've found the performance of this device is also erratic, and it requires constant cleaning.   Someone told me that use of the Docking Station may void the warranty, but most of my friends find it useful and reliable, and haven't had any particular problems.  Anyway, sometimes I have great trouble getting New Baby attached to either recharging device.

My main criticism is that your Baby v1.0 software, despite a million year process of research and development and your apparent omnipotence, is not remotely bug free. At least once a day my New Baby's system jams on the 'Crying' application, and despite all my attempts, frequently fails to shut down when requested. Some users have suggested using the Force Quit function, but every time I click on this option in the menu, a box pops up saying:
Warning: Are you sure?  You will lose all unsaved data.  If program is corrupted you may cause irretrievable system malfunction.  We recommend checking for underlying error.  Proceed or cancel?
This is confusing and a bit concerning so I usually click cancel.  New Baby then offers me the option to Send a Report to my Mother in Law, but am not sure what the point of this would be so I click no.

I have been told that the optimal running temperature for my device is 37 degrees Celcius or 97 degrees Farenheit.  Unlike most of my appliances, which can safely operate within a 40 degree range, New Baby seems to be restricted to operating within a degree or two of the optimal temperature.  I'm not sure why you have designed the system this way, but since you have, have you considered adding a temperature gauge?  Perhaps behind the left ear?  I would find it useful.

One last suggestion.  The aesthetic appeal of my New Baby is superb.  Visually very attractive and nice to hold.   But the pre-installed music and sound fx of New Baby are not all sounds I like to hear at any time of the day or night.  Are you aware that most devices these days come with an option to 'mute', preferably by remote control?  I know that one of the sounds is a failsafe alarm, and I suppose this is necessary, but I wish I could adjust the sensitivity.  The timer seems to set it off in the time I dash to the loo.

Anyway, thanks for listening!  Despite these design flaws, I generally find my New Baby a pleasure.  If you could just address some of these issues before I save up enough to order the next one, I'd be grateful.


Yours truly,
New Baby Owner